Easy Does It.
Comfort can feel really uncomfortable for some of us.
It’s been a while since we last spoke.
I have missed you.
I have been painting. Creating from my soul.
And when you do that, everything changes.
It is as if you are no longer the person you used to be.
In many ways you have to rethink everything.
I still talked to you inside my head every day.
But sharing the conversations we have been having felt harder for some reason.
It’s as if I needed time to have privacy inside my own mind, even though you were all there.
I know there is a duality in what I am saying.
But I no longer feel the need to hide the peculiarities of myself.
Since we last spoke, I graduated with an MFA in Painting from the Academy of Art University in San Francisco.
This was my childhood dream. The one dream I didn’t have the courage to say yes to until now.
I have been painting a lot since the completion of the release of my book Invisible Loss.
I have been reentering further and further than ever before.
I don’t remember the last time I was in my Waiting Room.
But there have been surprises in the experience of freedom.
I had never experienced this level of ease before in my life, so this was a first.
I have to be honest, it felt very unnatural to begin with.
I felt as if I was doing something wrong.
As if I was uncomfortable inside comfort.
To my surprise, my comfort zone was a struggle.
What a dichotomy.
I was used to living in fear, grief and loss.
When I put myself outside of this misery after decades of this, I didn’t know how to be.
I had no idea that this easy state of existence was real. A life of my choosing. What a novelty.
I kept staying.
I kept waking up every morning walking inside comfort and staying in it.
And the longer I stayed the better it felt to be myself.
I want the same for you.
I want you to walk inside an easy life. An easy moment.
An easy relationship. An easy feeling.
Can you find a way inside your ease today?
I hope this letter finds you in your struggle and walks you out of it for a few moments.
Ease after loss is not an easy feat.
Don’t you forget it.
With love and ease,
Christina
PS. I promise to keep writing. I have missed you.
Kim thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm almost 70 and have lost both parents and the love of my life, my cat, Tess. Losing her was so difficult for me, but within a week so many things happened and I received so many signs from her that she was still around me. One of which was a tiny kitten who was to small to even find food, but he found himself at my front door one night. i took him in and now he's such a loving beautiful soul. And he looks exactly like Tess. Tess later gave me 3 more cats. They all remind me of her and they're all full of love. They also look just like Tess. This all helped me so much, back in 2022, and I really feel that Tess knew how much pain I was in and she helped me tremendously
Hi Christina, so wonderful receive your letter! 💞 Your letters remain wise and affirming. I'm 8 years on after the sudden loss of my husband. I found solace and affirmation in your words back then and over the years and it kept going forward. I had to make some big decisions in the first year and you kept me sane!
This letter strikes a chord. I am once again in that space with you. Ease isn't easy. But nothing beats that feeling !
I had an epiphany a few years ago when I allowed myself to see the emotional and psychological abuse of my parents and how it played out in my relationships. The chains fell off and there was a lot of anger for a while. But this softened into a radiant love that comes from within and without.
I greet the warrior princess in the mirror each morning, explore and embrace my passions and obsessions no matter how small. I have been gobsmacked by so many never-in-my-wildest-dreams moments. Working on being at ease with these moments as finally my true self is able to reveal itself (albeit in my mid 70s !!)
Much love
Kim. 🩵